The less of me for April – A moth where I had to push on
Finished the month off with a niggling injury of hamstrings that took a while to settle down, and it was disappointing not to finish at 100km.
Fear and Doubt are two things that are personal to the ‘you’.
Today I find myself in a place where I have both, and there are rare periods of time when I have the fear or I have the doubt.
They’re not common periods, and seem to come and go as quickly as a moment.
I’m not sure I have them about a specific things, or whether I’m just generally in doubt, or in fear.
Not doubtful but in doubt. I doubt my security at my workplace, isn’t the same as being doubtful about my job security. For the former is a feeling I have, an uncertainty as a reaction to things, an it’s not based on any outward events, actions or news that would lead me otherwise to doubt things.
Doubt as a reaction to a change, and not being able to settle to a position on it. Doubt because you’re not actually sure about the journey you’re being asked to go on.
I sometimes have the doubt in my own ability, and if I have the fortitude to get me through the journey.
The Fear. Sometimes I have this with the doubt. Sometimes just on its own.
Fear of getting old, of not having done enough, of being poor. A fear that somehow you’ve left something undone. A fear your life is about to be tipped over off balance.
So where has my suddenly melancholy fear and doubt some from? And when will it go away, and when will I know it has? Why has a sudden introspection thrown me off my good game?
I know that I’m feeling this way, and have fallen into a funk which makes it somewhat worse, I think acknowledging it is a start to making it better. Im not about to go sit on a cliff top or by the waters edge and spend hours in contemplation, it’s not a depression I have, just a fear and doubt.
And I’m sure that this too will pass
I was on the Spotify and I came over all a bit of this and that. And well there are a few things that you need to know and a few things you need to carry with you in life, some of that might be the poetry and some of that might be the song lyrics.
Song Lyrics…..
I dont mean things like the David Bowie – Word on a Wing – which is a song that I’d be happy to be stuck with forever, the Station To Station album being the only one that I would take to the desert island with me…
In this age of grand illusion you walked into my life out of my dreams
I don’t need another change, still you forced away into my scheme of things
You say we’re growing, growing heart and soul
In this age of grand illusion you walked into my life out of my dreams
But I think these came to mind tonight as lyrics that rang my bell, the refrain that when I hear it makes me smile in that way that reminds me of being 15, of a different time, a different time, a different place….. . Some from not that long ago, some that I go back to.
The newest one first, then in no particular order:
And I’d give the world if it were mine
To let these memories slip my mind
And wake up next to you one more time
http://www.lyricsmania.com/santa_fe_lyrics_eilen_jewell.html
At the top I’m stopping by
Your place of work and acting like
I haven’t dreamed of you and I
And marriage in an orange grove
You are the only thing in any room you’re ever in
http://www.lyricsmania.com/starlings_lyrics_elbow.html
You see i went on the roller coaster last night when i was feeling bad
Down by the sea in santa cruz and i was feeling sad
But we went down, and around, and it knocked me out of my head.
Well, i went on the coaster and my heart was heavy as lead
But we went down, and around, and it knocked me out of my head.
I say whoa-oh-oh, for it knocked me out of my head. let’s go…
http://www.lyricstime.com/jonathan-richman-roller-coaster-by-the-sea-lyrics.html
A friend of mine grows his very own brambles
They twist all around him ’til he can’t move
Beautiful, quivering, chivalrous shambles
What is my friend trying to prove?
http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858709571/#wlDBsgjksCTiWS4h.99
He’s not into miracles
Sees life all too cynical
The cat has got his tongue
Now she bangs on his drum
He says pull the other one
Bells ring, look what you have done
Emotions leaking out
Her paint’s all over town
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/squeeze/annie+get+your+gun_20129200.html
I’m sure you have your own, and I’m sure I have few more refrains that will come back to me now that I’m thinking about it, stand by ….
March Update :
I tried again to get to 100kms, just falling short at the month end where I tailed away on the days I actually got out an did something. I changed to new shoes as well with a resulting really poor few days where I was struggling, but it came right.
Although the chart above is wrong!, count the gree lines you’ll see 16, I have no idea what one it thinks is missing.
Onwards and downwards.
The reply to my original letter is posted here as a PDF MurraryMcCully or as a picture below,
This is a response to a letter I wrote to my MP, who had changed his mind about supporting the “same sex marriage” bill, one of ony 4 MP’s to do so in the negative way.
I’m not convinced it’s a form reply.
I’ve let his secretary know by way of a reply what I think .
Erica
Thank you for your reply.
Please, if you would be so kind, and should the Minister care to know, tell him that, should he be standing at the next election, he will not be receiving my vote, as he has enjoyed in the past.
Of course there are more pressing matters of Economy, Welfare, Education, Health and Security but he had it in his grasp to be someone who actually did something for everyone, and not because he has a fear and loathing of the real meaning of equality, and was cowered by sanctimonious religious bigotry.
You’ll recall I’ve been married 25 years, I’ve no axe to grind, no flag to fly, but to take a stance that it’s all equal except for some is morally bankrupt, and frankly he’s disappointed one time to many.
It might only be one vote, but it might make a difference.
New Zealand 2007 (Photo credit: Szymon Stoma)
There are a couple of “things” that seems to be lighting up my twitter timeline, newspaper opinion pages, and left and right-wing bloggers.
Mostly its anti-government sentiment, anything that the current National government do seems to be not well received. Mostly by people who voted Labour in the election and had their politicians fail to gain enough votes to make it into government, such is life. So their angst is one of a poor loser, calling foul and crying wolf over pretty much everything, sometimes with justification, mostly it’s just whingeing about how their lot would do it better or not at all.
But there are a couple of things that are very raw and sore points, this is one;
It’s not a problem to sell farms to James Cameron on the proviso he comes here for 10 days every other year, of to allow Shanaia Twain to buy a chunk of land. Or various other sales to countries of other nationalities
But a few clicks on the interwebtubes brings forth this;
Or this
However, this current outrage and angst comes down to two reasons and It’s because
They’re Chinese,
and
The National party have indicated that they are going to partially sell some of the few remaining assets we have – such as power generation.
The furore in this is the almost laughable outrage that this has generated as if it’s a first time thing, and that no one has every done this ever. Fact is that NZ has sold off almost everything it has to private ownership and frankly there are only a few things left worth anything to anyone. Fait play to the ‘opposition’ on this who’ve stirred up wild fears and a catch-cry of “tenants in our own land” hysteria.
This gallery contains 9 photos.
I’m not so good at pictures, but I’m not that good at writing either so why should that be stopping me right . I often look at pictures and think they’re brave or daring, and for that reason, and because … Continue reading
Today we bring you Rabon Khan and Rachel Smalley
(1) Raybon Khan. Who seems to set himself as Mr.People, some brainpower gifted individual who urbane toss-offs speak to and for the people.
Well he is a comedian, makes his money with humor, or a sort. The tweet is an inference, and that is all. It’s implied that it’s Germanic, therefore Nazi, therefore Jewish. And frankly that is indeed what it is. Doesn’t make it less humorous. Gallows humor is important.
So what will happen?
Rachel Smalley. Well TV3 needs a talking head, she has broad appeal which equals money, and will bring out the same “It was me talking” line that isn’t really an excuse when 99.99% of everything else she tweets is for her not about her.Way back when, before the internet and mobile phones we’d agree to meet somewhere and we did. The newspapers arrived with the news from far-flung places, with the best bits held for the Sunday papers. Junk mail didn’t exist. There were weekly local newspapers. We all watched either the news at 5:45, 9pm or 10pm or all three. There was no 24 hour TV.
Fast forward a bit. Now we have everything in an instant.”Social Media”. For instance we have Twitter, which is about as real-time as it gets without being there, sometimes it’s accurate, sometimes not. If you’ve ever witnessed the rise and decline of a twitter meme you’ll understand how fickle it is.
And we have deal-a-day websites, by the hundreds, imploring us to buy now, immediately, things we don’t need at prices we can’t ignore. We have deal a day advertising on twitter of course, and Facebook.
We can’t just agree to meet somewhere, we have to text and call numerous times ‘just in case’ It’s scary how frail we’ve become, how unsure it all is, how needy.
Facebook has given everyone access to our lives, out thoughts and deeds. And we accept it. FourSquare has given you the ability to let people know what cafe, shop, street, bar you are in all the time. It’s “me” central!
But it can’t carry on. This explosion of socializing on the internet is doomed at some point, where it becomes intrusive. And I mean intrusive to me – I don’t really care that you’re the mayor of the donut shop, I don’t really want to see your party pictures on Facebook. There are bits of your life that I am interested in, just not some bits.
Twitter, Text, Facebook, et al, is where the wild west is. “Everyone” is trying to get a piece of the action, to make a buck, and to get you to spend a buck. At some point you just have to switch off and tune out.
Now I can’t actually think of a service that I’ve used that has fallen into obscurity, other than the web hosting Geocities, other than that Bebo, and MySpace perhaps. So I can’t see a tailspin for any of the services we use right now, or are familiar with, which are, to repeat them, Twitter, Facebook, FourSquare, and Youtube. Even an aggregation of all these things into one super app isn’t what is going to happen, because why? It’ll be too cumbersome, too awkward, too heavy.
The thing that we overlook with Twitter, Facebook, FourSquare, Youtube. Google+, Flikr, WordPress, LinkedIn et al is that they are all “free” That’s right we don’t need to part with any cash of any kind to use them. Sure we have to have a device that can access them interactively, but they are free to use. And we accept that without question that we’re giving up something for something. We just don’t seem to care about what it is we’re giving up, which in two words is privacy and ownership. Of our identity and our intellectual property.
Anything that rises will have to have some basics, speed, reach, ease and appeal. Anything that falls will have become bloated, tedious or have some cataclysm around it like bankruptcy, where users fall away like hair falling out never to return.
I lent my dSLR to someone from twitter this week. They were late for the meeting, and haven’t said boo! since. It’s a camera not an heirloom. I’m sure it’ll be ok.
I brought something on-line, an act of madness. But the price in NZ$ was cheaper than an (B)Adidas jersey for the All Blacks. All I have to do is wait for it to turn up in the courier. I’m sure it’ll be ok.
The new copyright infringement law came into effect, the ability of a rights holder to complain starts on the 1st September, but it’s from anything in the previous 14 days, so they can complain, using the new process, from 1st September about things from today. Which is a weird way to enact a policy, but makes some sense. I do watch UK based drama programs that are either not on the local TV channels, or are on them but in like 3 months time, or not on them at all! As far as I can tell it’s users of the torrent method that’ll be the ones dobbed-in first. Torrent method sounds like rhythm method and we all know how successful that is. I’m don’t torrent, so I’m not expecting a letter, I’m sure it’ll be ok.
I got a letter from the po po, someone complained about my driving with “enough concern to report me”, this would be the arsehat in the white car that was going 60kms crossing three lanes so they could get to the outside line like some kind of parade leader. The letter signed by “squiggle” warns that “should a formal complaint be made they will investigate and take appropriate action”. I’m sure it’ll be ok.
