Category Archives: Children

Feb 24 2013

Auckland Lantern festival 2013


The Auckland Lantern Festival is celebrated on the first full moon following the Chinese New Year.

In 2013, the event, from 22-24 February was held at Albert Park in Auckland.

This year we tool the in-laws, which as it turns out was a disaster, and so, for the very brief time we were at the event here are a few pictures. Who knew that FIL was claustrophobic, and the crowds made him have a mild panic. Why MrsPdubyah would organise to go to a crowded event is beyond me, unless it’s some kind of daughter revenge. Anyway  here you are:-

The park was packed, but I would urge you to go, and if you have good spirits and don’t mind the jostle and the hustle this is the most cheerful and happy event that you could image, all the lanterns are amazing, and although we had to leave almost as soon as we arrived what I saw made me smile a lot.

Dec 15 2012

The 12 ways of Christmas – The Dinner


Since I moved from the Northern Hemisphere to the Southern (England to New Zealand) I’ve always struggled with the concept of  Santa, Trees, Snow, and the “full’ Christmas dinner.

There are some things that just are Christmas dinner, so I can set those aside.

The Trifle for dessert.  There’s probably a law or something that requires trifle on christmas day. Can’t abide the stuff myself, but Father-in-law and the children love it.

I made is a mission a few years ago to come up with a dessert suggestion that I thought would be both “common” and at the same time “challenging” to make. The first one I cam up with was  ”Cassata Ice-cream”. Which turned out to be a roaring success.

Pavlova are a challenge to make, but usually end up well, and given the amount of wine you’ve had before you get to pudding then who cares?

Eton Mess. Which has to be the easiest of my suggestions, fruit, cream and meringue, enough to make a man fat.

But back to the timeline. It’s summer, or getting summery in December in New Zealand, and for years we soldiered on with a roast turkey, Ham, potatoes, vegetables, gravy. One year we just said that enough was enough, and that it seemed daft to have a full dinner on a day when there was much to celebrate and enjoy by way of family and friends than to stand in the kitchen and cook.

So we’ve pushed back “dinner” from 6pm to 8pm, and  we’ve had Salmon and potato Salad, We’ve had Scotch Fillet on the BBQ, something a bit “posh” but not the “old way”.  I’ve also been known to make dinner bread rolls.

One year we asked the children what starter they wanted, and one of them suggested prawn cocktail, which we had to have in the traditional way in a wine glass, oh the horror!

But the end is always Trifle, and one other thing.

This year even to change it up a bit more we’re having our traditional family christmas dinner on christmas eve. It’s the only evening when the children are going to be with us as due to work commitments and them needing the money more than me have to head back to the city on Christmas day evening.

Back in the day though the abiding memory I have of christmas Turkey was the one time when Dad had made a big deal about bringing the Turkey home for christmas dinner. He did turn up with one, Feathers and all. A big one. I have no idea where he got it from, or even why he thought it was a good idea.

Ever plucked a turkey on the back doorstep at 7pm at night in the freezing cold?

Christmas dinner at my childhood home would have been an all-in affair, not only the parents  8 children, the dog, but various girlfriends and boyfriends, neighbours and acquaintances. Dinner was served on a roster system, how do you fit that many around a table that seated 6 :-) It would have been a big turkey.

Oct 14 2012

Happy Families – yes you’ve left home but…..


MrsPdubyah and me, well we’re a nuclear family, 2 adults, 2 children, cat, or more correctly now 4 adults and cat.

Even more correctly 3 adults at home and one who’s left to be an adult. The only constant is the cat, and there are plans to get a kitten, it’s not a good thing.

The transition from at home to away isn’t a clear cut as you’d think. Number one son remains top of mind for MrsPdubyah.

And to be honest I’m about as bad, if not worse. #1 son tells us that they have everything they need, and that they’re saving to get the better things. Now as an aside this doesn’t appear to hold them back in the buying of needful things like DVD’s and gadgets, but that would be mean spirited of me to point out.

Anyway, my  weak moment came when I know that boy child, who has to wear safety shoes for work essentially destroyed them, and they’ve been hanging off his feet. In a moment of madness I brought him new ones. Not cheap ones mind, because they come in cheap, mid and executive . But enough.

I’m compelled however to balance this out and so I spent an equal amount, after negotiation, on upgrading the iPod for girl child.

I’m poorer and yet richer for the experience.

MrsPdubyah, you’d think would be more pragmatic. I don’t think she is.

The latest thing is a bed. Now when you’re being frugal and on a budget that would make a monk frown, what you get is what you get, and so they have what is best described as “average” by way of a bed. Lucky for boy child there is a tax rebate, and as such he’s in a position to upgrade from fleapit to actual bed.

Have you ever noticed however that everything you want is at least 10%, and often 25% or more than you want to pay.  You can get a fairly decent bed for $700, and a really decent one for $1,000 (New Zealand Peso’s) (and they are long term investment, I’m not canvassing where to buy a cheap bed) (comes with a 10 year warranty)

So in a 2-1 deal we’ll make the difference between want to spend, and what we want them to spend.

This we justify in out heads as the difference between not being able afford more than noodles for lunch, and having to cut back on chocolate to afford bread, and for a thing that makes a difference. A big thing. Sure we could provide food, but you’ve left home, fend for yourself, however in the reality of things a bed is pretty important, you spend 1/3 of your life in one asleep, and being young a significant amount more staying awake.

So we’re sticking to out guns, you’ve left home, make your own way, but just in case keep us in the loop because we’re a soft touch for some things. Not that we have to be, or that in some way what you’re doing is different to what we did when we were at the same stage of life, but we know it’s hard, and there is a difference, relative to, the amount of money you need to make a difference and don’t have, to what the same amount money means to us. In the big scheme of things.

And we’re not a soft touch, there isn’t a bottomless money pit. And can I have my credit card back please.

 

Oct 5 2012

Two Funerals and a wondering


To be honest it’s been a few funerals,  but specifically I’m thrown off by axis by one of which was this week, the other from 1988.

This week the funeral of a friend, Des Tierney, a good bastard by any measure. If I end up half a good a bastard then I’ll be spectacular. No one exemplified the meaning of community than Des. There won’t be a million words or books written about Des, and that’s a pity in some regards, but he’ll be an oral legend, around these and other parts.

The other funeral, my Father. The one I didn’t go to because I just moved to New Zealand, in 1987.

The thing that links them? Well in the sadness of things they both died before they were 60.

And why then would I be thrown into the funk that I have. Well I’m not getting any younger, and I’m now contemplating, as I did with some incredulity at 16, as being as old as my dad. Except now that the words “when he died” are added on the end.

So why should I panic about the age my father died? He was a heavy smoker with a sedentary lifestyle, it’s not the way I am. And how does the passing of a friend conflate a story to make it a doom.

In a normal thinking they don’t. But as your own mortality, and your own perception of that mortality changes you begin to fret. I spoke to a couple of of me friends about this, and they get it, what I’m feeling, they didn’t laugh, they just compared theirs to mine, and we all agreed that it was a nothing. It is what it is, there is no binary thing going on, that event A does not meant that it will equal a similar event  A for me, or them.

So now here I am wondering why it is that I never owned a Lotus Elite Turbo, and E-Type Jaguar. A 1967 Mustang fastback , or a V8 anything, and it’s not like that would define me in anyway. It might bring me immediate pleasure, and the added angst of maintaining and paying for it.

I’m now wondering why I never went home to England and abandoned almost everything to a new country, like no one ever did that, but I’ve not been home, not am I likely to go home, and I left in 1987. And yes it’s still home. Go figure.

Do I think people will tell grand stories about me when I die? You’re having a laugh, the most heroic I’ve been was when never.  Should I worry about that?

So a life just as ordinary. A fear and doubt. A surprise? There are many things in my head, and a weight on my shoulder that has descended for no reason other than self.

But if I had a motto to live by it would be “this too shall pass”, and it will. Might get that as a tattoo.

Sep 8 2012

Sporting your life vicariously – the last Tournament – Aftermath


The Final Federation Cup Hockey Tournament for the #1 Daughter is done and dusted.

After the two games on Monday the dye had been cast and the girls were then in the bottom half off the draw – the bottom 8, which was confirmed after a further loss on the Tuesday.

Wednesday’s game, against, surprisingly Whangarei GHS, meant that the loser would effectively be relegated from the tournament the following year.

It didn’t go well, the Rangitoto girls turned up to play in a very terse, nervous and sombre mood. And this translated to a ponderous and withdrawn match that they lost easily to a very motivated Whangarei team.

Thursday then, nothing to lose and a match against Kristin School, who, ironically are the closest school to Rangitoto College in Auckland. They have “the wood” on them and 1-0 doesn’t really do justice to a match that Rangitoto dominated for he large part

And so to a final game, in the pouring rain, and #1 seeding for the Marie Fry tournament next year, and a comprehensive 5-2, smiles and high fives all round.

  • Mon 3rd Sep  Round 1 Pool C Rangitoto College Craighead Diocesan  LOSS 0 – 2 
  • Mon 3rd Sep  Round 2 Pool C Rangitoto College Villa Maria College LOSS 2 – 4 
  • Tue 4th Sep    Round 3 Pool C St Cuthbert‘s College Rangitoto College LOSS 3 – 0 
  • Wed 5th Sep  Crossover Round 4 Whangarei Girls’ High Rangitoto College LOSS 4 – 0
  • Thu 6th Sep   Crossover Round 5 Rangitoto College Kristin School WIN 1 – 0 
  • Fri 7th Sep   Final Round Rangitoto College Palmerston North Girls WIN 5 – 2 

Final Results and Placings

  • 1 St Cuthbert’s College
  • 2 Wairarapa College
  • 3 Diocesan School
  • 4 Rangi Ruru Girls
  • 5 Villa Maria College
  • 6 St Margaret’s College
  • 7 Epsom Girls Grammar
  • 8 St Hilda’s Collegiate
  • 9 Whangarei Girls’ High
  • 10 Craighead Diocesan
  • 11 St Matthew‘s Collegiate
  • 12 Christchurch Girls High
  • 13 Rangitoto College
  • 14 Palmerston North Girls
  • 15 Kristin School
  • 16 Gisborne Girls High
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Jul 28 2012

Faith, Same sex marriage, and Children.


New Zealand is on track to remove barriers to same sex marriages. We have Civil Union legislation, but this is a sort of half-way house thing. Removing an arbitrary sex based barrier to marriage is of it’s time.

However those of the faith and the religiosity have got their collective underpants all bunched and they’re going to come out swinging on a number of ‘points’.

And they are all nonsense. And they are all nonsense because there is not one logical argument that could be put forward that would or could justify their position. Not a one.

“Marriage is between a man and women” Since when? Since a when the ‘church’ decided to Ponce up some ceremony and add some bells and whistles is a when. The church is big on dogma and protocol. But I can’t find any evidence that before the church decided to dress up a ceremony that marriage wasn’t a thing. I can’t find any evidence that before the church decided to restrict it’s ‘blessing’ that all marriages were between men and women.

In different ancient cultures, marriage was more of a business arrangement, joining families together for mutual benefit. Under Roman law in the first centuries of the Common Era, there were proper opportunities for divorce and the dissolution of a marital union for both parties. However, as the Christian church grew, marriage became more ecclesiastically governed; the church dictated the rules of marriage.

Historically then a marriage was a means to ensure a continuance. That is all. If you had not confirmed or announced partner then you had no estate to pass. Marriage brought with it some assurances.The churches brought with it dogma, and protocol and restriction.

Same-sex marriage is rejected as un-Christian and immoral on the basis of a myopic reading of a very few Biblical texts. And the texts in question are scant indeed.

The most referenced texts are Genesis 19; the holiness codes of Leviticus 17-26, and in the New Testament, Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians 6:9 and his Letter to the Romans 1:26-27.

Not only does one have to “hunt” for references to same-sex practices, but there are no gospel texts that treat the matter.

There is nothing attributed to Jesus of Nazareth that has anything to do with same-sex orientation. According to the gospels, Jesus never commented on same-sex practices; that fact certainly bears repeating to anyone criticizing the gay community on Christian grounds.

Largely, same-sex practice is a topic of little interest to the Biblical authors.

It beggars belief that you would refer to an ancient book of myth and stories to cherry pick what your faith is. Sure the Bible might say “husband” and “wife” but it doesn’t as far as I know define the gender of either in terms of what constitutes a “marriage”.

The restriction or constriction is therefore one made up by the church and religion as a method of control.

Children

In New Zealand we have out share of conservative doom-sayers

Conservative Party leader Colin Craig said he was planning a “research-based” campaign on the advantages of heterosexual relationships and traditional family structures.

 ”I’m keen to be part of a campaign to get out there on this issue. It would look intelligently at the differences between homosexual parenting and a Mum and a Dad. Does gender matter, does role-modelling matter?

I don’t mind having it on record that the idea of two men having responsibility for a child is a little beyond me. I couldn’t do it. I assisted with a more maternal and capable mother in raising our children from birth. But I am talking about baby children, not toddlers, or schoolers, or teens.  I don’t have the same doubt about females raising children. Call me a bigot if you like, but I have first hand experience of a woman raising our child and she did a great job. I’d hire her again :-)

I have no idea what feeling or compulsions you have a person in relation to children and your level of altruism in wanting to look after, nurture and care for a child. I just don’t.

I have my understanding. I have an idea of what is acceptable and required from my experience, and I have the insight from a number of people who I’ve associated with who’ve raised children. I have experience.

Just because I don’t think I could does not mean I don’t think you should. It might make you shudder, cringe and gasp. It doesn’t mean that you can’t raise a child as a parent.  To have any other position on this indicates you live your life in a cave. There are lots of children raised by single parents. There are heaps raised by same sex parents, mostly female I’d wager.

The world did not stop when Elton John and David Furness adopted a child. Money makes it better or acceptable? Get a grip.

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Jul 13 2012

Growing up – “It’s no use we’re losing her Captain”


Such a timid thing, I though. MissPdubyah has all the worldliness of a tea-spoon. This is the daughter who had to look up a map to see how to drive Browns Bay from our house (clue: It’s pretty much a straight line from here).

This is the daughter who got lost driving to Browns Bay. Seriously. The same daughter who failed her first attempt at a full drivers license for driving too slowly.

The same daughter who’s childhood memories are all stories that end “and I cried”

That one.

Well she has a casual contractor job with a mall shop. The hours she can work are at a whim of a manager. The hours she can get from her job in Albany have been curtailed because of a new employee, and so she was offered a chance to work in the St.Lukes shop. A bigger, better shop.

Travelling from our house to St.Lukes means a trip on the motorway over the harbor bridge. This is like some mystical gateway, a challenge, a barrier (think the Prisoner and the giant soap bubbles). Anyway having drawn her a map and spoken to her about what lanes were best to be in an when she got lost. And ended up in Newmarket, and this is one story that actually does end with… and I cried)

Given some counseling and new advice MissPdubyah managed to renegotiate the motorway system and ended up at work. She followed her manager’s car back to the motorway to get home.

That was then. Now we have ….

Thursday – I drove my friends to the Museum, and

Today I drove to Mission Bay for a yoghurt.

to Mission Bay. For a yoghurt. This is the modern equivalent of driving to the ‘tron for a milkshake.

I can’t believe how much, so suddenly a change like this happens. It’s like having a baby all over again, and the bit where you’re left wondering when did they stop saying choo-choo and start referring to them as diesel-electric engines.

I fear MrsPdubyah and I have lost her…… and found a new one. he says smiling

Jul 13 2012

Growing up – the one with the still leaving home


It’s been an intriguing week.

Boychild has signed his tenancy agreement with his girlfriend and a new landlord for a place in Kelston.

All his worldly goods in a couple of boxes.

I was rebuked for my assertion that his prime concern was the Interwebtubes, it wasn’t. apparently he’s worried about burning the new place down. I have no idea how my spawn has turned out if this is his concern.

MrsPdubyah has paid the bond with the landlord, and despite her mercenary outlook is now looking for a fridge freezer unit to deliver  to them on the weekend.

Who knew that there were shops specifically set up for second hand fridges. The Appliance Store in Birkenhead for instance, and TradeMe is an endless source. Makes sense, I mean, who ever throws out a fridge? We’re still using the one we brought 25 years ago to keep my beer in. And the Freezer still seems to freeze ok. I shall miss them when they are gone.

Boychild has sorted an electrickery account, he’s brought some insurances (including fire) and is looking forward to his day of assembling things in his new shag-pad.

The new place, I’ve haven’t seen it yet, apparently is quite elevated and has a view over Auckland, but it is old school, and MrsPdubyah says it’s a bit musty.

She bit her tongue though since she’s lived in some well average places.

Hopefully boychild will rein in his enthusiasm and accept the gifts that MrsPdubyah will bring, including a fridge.

I think they’re still short a Table and Chairs, and a washing machine. It’s not the end of the world, the laundromat can be a great meeting place, and they probably have free wi-fi these days.

Jul 7 2012

Growing up – the one with the leaving home.


#1 Son is about to leave the parental home and set up a love nest with this girlfriend. It’s been a while coming.

As a father I’m pleased that he’s at last making his way in the world and leaving home to set out anew is a big step for anyone to take.

So they’ve found a place to live, and it sounds very 70′s. They have a few things between them, or rather the girlfriend has a few things, since she’s been living away from her parents for a few years. #1 son brings nothing to the table, not even a table.

We’re going to help with the bond for the flat, but MrsPdubyah is reluctant to do more than that. Which is strange possibly because deep down she does not want him to leave the house. You’d think she’d be all for setting him up and letting him go. Proves you can be married for many many years and really not get your partner.

Anyway west down to talk about what they might need to get them into a normal life. The list went like this;

  • Broadband
  • Fridge
  • Washing Machine
  • Table and Chairs
  • Crockery
  • Knives and forks
  • Chest of draws for clothes
  • Electricity Account

in that order. Really yes.

Last night #1 son had an intense hour on the interwebtubes looking at the price of broadband plans.

I’m sure he’ll be right, his girlfriend will sort out his lack of ability to pick up dirty clothes and to his inability to find the kitchen sink to wash plates up. It’s a big challenge.

One thing MrsPdubyah did say to #1 Son was that because they didn’t have a washing machine that he’d be fine to drop off his dirty laundry to home and she’d be happy to wash it and drop it back to him. WTF seriously!

Jun 27 2012

Sporting your life vicariously – the one where they end in tears.


It’s down to the final few games of College hockey for Ms17 (MS18 in 37 days she informs me), and last night was the final of the local secondary schools tournament.

I’d forgotten how intensely competitive Ms17 is, her not playing grade or club Hockey this year has meant that I’ve not seen her play since the pre-season ANZAC tournament thing a few months back.

Last night, having lost 4-0 MS17 arrived in the clubroom clearly very upset. At a point midway int he second half, the coach had changed the on field formation taking off one of the ‘inner’ (and captain) and a ‘striker’.  Now either this didn’t register with MS17 (who plays at ‘back’) or wasn’t communicated very well on field. It did lead to some dis-array as the opposition made a bit of hay and mayhem as positionally the team were all set up wrong.

She says that after the game she approached the coach, Dave, and says she said that “it would have been nice to know about the changes” and had received not the reply she expected along the lines of ”get over it”.  Which is where, it seems, she loses composure.

In the clubroom she tells us that although she really enjoys the school hockey she hasn’t gotten over the fact that Dave, the coach, and age grade selector, had told her in the past that “she wasn’t fit” and that “she couldn’t hit a ball” and that her “grade level opportunities were limited.” Coupled with the fact that he’s chosen s strange combination of co-captains, one of whom is clearly not a teams player makes Ms17 a bit tetchy.  That the co-captains are picked at age Grade level might be why they are co-captains, and that MS17 chose not to trial for the teams may also be the reason.

It’s clear though that there is a lack of something in the relationship that MS17 expects with the coach/selector, and it’s clear that she lacks the tools to be able to deal with and get the answers / feedback / input that she’s looking for. It’s all very challenging.

I’ve no idea how to fix this, but I’ll work at it though.

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