Category Archives: Kids

Dec 15 2012

The 12 ways of Christmas – The Dinner


Since I moved from the Northern Hemisphere to the Southern (England to New Zealand) I’ve always struggled with the concept of  Santa, Trees, Snow, and the “full’ Christmas dinner.

There are some things that just are Christmas dinner, so I can set those aside.

The Trifle for dessert.  There’s probably a law or something that requires trifle on christmas day. Can’t abide the stuff myself, but Father-in-law and the children love it.

I made is a mission a few years ago to come up with a dessert suggestion that I thought would be both “common” and at the same time “challenging” to make. The first one I cam up with was  ”Cassata Ice-cream”. Which turned out to be a roaring success.

Pavlova are a challenge to make, but usually end up well, and given the amount of wine you’ve had before you get to pudding then who cares?

Eton Mess. Which has to be the easiest of my suggestions, fruit, cream and meringue, enough to make a man fat.

But back to the timeline. It’s summer, or getting summery in December in New Zealand, and for years we soldiered on with a roast turkey, Ham, potatoes, vegetables, gravy. One year we just said that enough was enough, and that it seemed daft to have a full dinner on a day when there was much to celebrate and enjoy by way of family and friends than to stand in the kitchen and cook.

So we’ve pushed back “dinner” from 6pm to 8pm, and  we’ve had Salmon and potato Salad, We’ve had Scotch Fillet on the BBQ, something a bit “posh” but not the “old way”.  I’ve also been known to make dinner bread rolls.

One year we asked the children what starter they wanted, and one of them suggested prawn cocktail, which we had to have in the traditional way in a wine glass, oh the horror!

But the end is always Trifle, and one other thing.

This year even to change it up a bit more we’re having our traditional family christmas dinner on christmas eve. It’s the only evening when the children are going to be with us as due to work commitments and them needing the money more than me have to head back to the city on Christmas day evening.

Back in the day though the abiding memory I have of christmas Turkey was the one time when Dad had made a big deal about bringing the Turkey home for christmas dinner. He did turn up with one, Feathers and all. A big one. I have no idea where he got it from, or even why he thought it was a good idea.

Ever plucked a turkey on the back doorstep at 7pm at night in the freezing cold?

Christmas dinner at my childhood home would have been an all-in affair, not only the parents  8 children, the dog, but various girlfriends and boyfriends, neighbours and acquaintances. Dinner was served on a roster system, how do you fit that many around a table that seated 6 :-) It would have been a big turkey.

Oct 14 2012

Happy Families – yes you’ve left home but…..


MrsPdubyah and me, well we’re a nuclear family, 2 adults, 2 children, cat, or more correctly now 4 adults and cat.

Even more correctly 3 adults at home and one who’s left to be an adult. The only constant is the cat, and there are plans to get a kitten, it’s not a good thing.

The transition from at home to away isn’t a clear cut as you’d think. Number one son remains top of mind for MrsPdubyah.

And to be honest I’m about as bad, if not worse. #1 son tells us that they have everything they need, and that they’re saving to get the better things. Now as an aside this doesn’t appear to hold them back in the buying of needful things like DVD’s and gadgets, but that would be mean spirited of me to point out.

Anyway, my  weak moment came when I know that boy child, who has to wear safety shoes for work essentially destroyed them, and they’ve been hanging off his feet. In a moment of madness I brought him new ones. Not cheap ones mind, because they come in cheap, mid and executive . But enough.

I’m compelled however to balance this out and so I spent an equal amount, after negotiation, on upgrading the iPod for girl child.

I’m poorer and yet richer for the experience.

MrsPdubyah, you’d think would be more pragmatic. I don’t think she is.

The latest thing is a bed. Now when you’re being frugal and on a budget that would make a monk frown, what you get is what you get, and so they have what is best described as “average” by way of a bed. Lucky for boy child there is a tax rebate, and as such he’s in a position to upgrade from fleapit to actual bed.

Have you ever noticed however that everything you want is at least 10%, and often 25% or more than you want to pay.  You can get a fairly decent bed for $700, and a really decent one for $1,000 (New Zealand Peso’s) (and they are long term investment, I’m not canvassing where to buy a cheap bed) (comes with a 10 year warranty)

So in a 2-1 deal we’ll make the difference between want to spend, and what we want them to spend.

This we justify in out heads as the difference between not being able afford more than noodles for lunch, and having to cut back on chocolate to afford bread, and for a thing that makes a difference. A big thing. Sure we could provide food, but you’ve left home, fend for yourself, however in the reality of things a bed is pretty important, you spend 1/3 of your life in one asleep, and being young a significant amount more staying awake.

So we’re sticking to out guns, you’ve left home, make your own way, but just in case keep us in the loop because we’re a soft touch for some things. Not that we have to be, or that in some way what you’re doing is different to what we did when we were at the same stage of life, but we know it’s hard, and there is a difference, relative to, the amount of money you need to make a difference and don’t have, to what the same amount money means to us. In the big scheme of things.

And we’re not a soft touch, there isn’t a bottomless money pit. And can I have my credit card back please.

 

Jul 28 2012

Faith, Same sex marriage, and Children.


New Zealand is on track to remove barriers to same sex marriages. We have Civil Union legislation, but this is a sort of half-way house thing. Removing an arbitrary sex based barrier to marriage is of it’s time.

However those of the faith and the religiosity have got their collective underpants all bunched and they’re going to come out swinging on a number of ‘points’.

And they are all nonsense. And they are all nonsense because there is not one logical argument that could be put forward that would or could justify their position. Not a one.

“Marriage is between a man and women” Since when? Since a when the ‘church’ decided to Ponce up some ceremony and add some bells and whistles is a when. The church is big on dogma and protocol. But I can’t find any evidence that before the church decided to dress up a ceremony that marriage wasn’t a thing. I can’t find any evidence that before the church decided to restrict it’s ‘blessing’ that all marriages were between men and women.

In different ancient cultures, marriage was more of a business arrangement, joining families together for mutual benefit. Under Roman law in the first centuries of the Common Era, there were proper opportunities for divorce and the dissolution of a marital union for both parties. However, as the Christian church grew, marriage became more ecclesiastically governed; the church dictated the rules of marriage.

Historically then a marriage was a means to ensure a continuance. That is all. If you had not confirmed or announced partner then you had no estate to pass. Marriage brought with it some assurances.The churches brought with it dogma, and protocol and restriction.

Same-sex marriage is rejected as un-Christian and immoral on the basis of a myopic reading of a very few Biblical texts. And the texts in question are scant indeed.

The most referenced texts are Genesis 19; the holiness codes of Leviticus 17-26, and in the New Testament, Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians 6:9 and his Letter to the Romans 1:26-27.

Not only does one have to “hunt” for references to same-sex practices, but there are no gospel texts that treat the matter.

There is nothing attributed to Jesus of Nazareth that has anything to do with same-sex orientation. According to the gospels, Jesus never commented on same-sex practices; that fact certainly bears repeating to anyone criticizing the gay community on Christian grounds.

Largely, same-sex practice is a topic of little interest to the Biblical authors.

It beggars belief that you would refer to an ancient book of myth and stories to cherry pick what your faith is. Sure the Bible might say “husband” and “wife” but it doesn’t as far as I know define the gender of either in terms of what constitutes a “marriage”.

The restriction or constriction is therefore one made up by the church and religion as a method of control.

Children

In New Zealand we have out share of conservative doom-sayers

Conservative Party leader Colin Craig said he was planning a “research-based” campaign on the advantages of heterosexual relationships and traditional family structures.

 ”I’m keen to be part of a campaign to get out there on this issue. It would look intelligently at the differences between homosexual parenting and a Mum and a Dad. Does gender matter, does role-modelling matter?

I don’t mind having it on record that the idea of two men having responsibility for a child is a little beyond me. I couldn’t do it. I assisted with a more maternal and capable mother in raising our children from birth. But I am talking about baby children, not toddlers, or schoolers, or teens.  I don’t have the same doubt about females raising children. Call me a bigot if you like, but I have first hand experience of a woman raising our child and she did a great job. I’d hire her again :-)

I have no idea what feeling or compulsions you have a person in relation to children and your level of altruism in wanting to look after, nurture and care for a child. I just don’t.

I have my understanding. I have an idea of what is acceptable and required from my experience, and I have the insight from a number of people who I’ve associated with who’ve raised children. I have experience.

Just because I don’t think I could does not mean I don’t think you should. It might make you shudder, cringe and gasp. It doesn’t mean that you can’t raise a child as a parent.  To have any other position on this indicates you live your life in a cave. There are lots of children raised by single parents. There are heaps raised by same sex parents, mostly female I’d wager.

The world did not stop when Elton John and David Furness adopted a child. Money makes it better or acceptable? Get a grip.

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Jul 15 2012

Those Three Little Words…


Empty Nest Syndrome.

MrsPdubyah was moping about the house yesterday ‘unfulfilled’ and generally mooching and moody, #1Son has allegedly left home and MrsPdubyah yesterday used some of my beer tokens to buy him a fridge/freezer for his new house.

I say allegedly left home, I just checked his room, There is a fair amount of detritus and general things left that I wonder if he’s hoping that we’ll decide for him to throw it away.

Oh and the clothes. I’m hoping that he has more clothes than what he wore to work, since there is a pile of things. MrsPdubyah will either drive over to the new house, expect me to take them to #1Son, or wait for him to come home, the latter is unlikely.

So Empty Nest Syndrome. The feeling of helplessness, the angst of your children living away from the nest.

MrsPdubyah is a bit strange on some aspects of this, we’ve paid for a tenancy bond, and now we’ve assisted substantially with home appliances. We’ve also brought #1Son a car recently, so he’s had a fair chunk of our financial resources.

She assures me that he’s been given the hard word, that the ties are cut, and that he’s on his own. And then she talks about taking over a food parcel.

The fine line between letting them go to get on with it, and the tie that says you don’t want them to fail. The arms length thing.

I know that some parents care less about their children leaving and live for the day, I can justify our difference by saying that as immigrants we don’t really have any other extended family, no wider family that’ll be called on in an emergency. Not that there will be one.

Not exactly the three little words I wanted to hear then. I did suggest that we could leave our 4 bedroom house since we clearly don’t need at least two of the bedrooms and right-size our life. I leave it to you imagination as to how that worked out for me. Seems we’ve relocated the newly vacant bedroom as a sewing/dressing room. Who knew that that was what was missing in our life?

The upside is #1Daughter gets her own bathroom, free of boy things, so she’s happy. Although she pretends to miss her brother I think not.

For me? Well I could leverage this feeling of empty to get me some outward display of love, I wonder if it stretches to a PS/3 and GT4 ?

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Jul 13 2012

Growing up – “It’s no use we’re losing her Captain”


Such a timid thing, I though. MissPdubyah has all the worldliness of a tea-spoon. This is the daughter who had to look up a map to see how to drive Browns Bay from our house (clue: It’s pretty much a straight line from here).

This is the daughter who got lost driving to Browns Bay. Seriously. The same daughter who failed her first attempt at a full drivers license for driving too slowly.

The same daughter who’s childhood memories are all stories that end “and I cried”

That one.

Well she has a casual contractor job with a mall shop. The hours she can work are at a whim of a manager. The hours she can get from her job in Albany have been curtailed because of a new employee, and so she was offered a chance to work in the St.Lukes shop. A bigger, better shop.

Travelling from our house to St.Lukes means a trip on the motorway over the harbor bridge. This is like some mystical gateway, a challenge, a barrier (think the Prisoner and the giant soap bubbles). Anyway having drawn her a map and spoken to her about what lanes were best to be in an when she got lost. And ended up in Newmarket, and this is one story that actually does end with… and I cried)

Given some counseling and new advice MissPdubyah managed to renegotiate the motorway system and ended up at work. She followed her manager’s car back to the motorway to get home.

That was then. Now we have ….

Thursday – I drove my friends to the Museum, and

Today I drove to Mission Bay for a yoghurt.

to Mission Bay. For a yoghurt. This is the modern equivalent of driving to the ‘tron for a milkshake.

I can’t believe how much, so suddenly a change like this happens. It’s like having a baby all over again, and the bit where you’re left wondering when did they stop saying choo-choo and start referring to them as diesel-electric engines.

I fear MrsPdubyah and I have lost her…… and found a new one. he says smiling

Jul 13 2012

Growing up – the one with the still leaving home


It’s been an intriguing week.

Boychild has signed his tenancy agreement with his girlfriend and a new landlord for a place in Kelston.

All his worldly goods in a couple of boxes.

I was rebuked for my assertion that his prime concern was the Interwebtubes, it wasn’t. apparently he’s worried about burning the new place down. I have no idea how my spawn has turned out if this is his concern.

MrsPdubyah has paid the bond with the landlord, and despite her mercenary outlook is now looking for a fridge freezer unit to deliver  to them on the weekend.

Who knew that there were shops specifically set up for second hand fridges. The Appliance Store in Birkenhead for instance, and TradeMe is an endless source. Makes sense, I mean, who ever throws out a fridge? We’re still using the one we brought 25 years ago to keep my beer in. And the Freezer still seems to freeze ok. I shall miss them when they are gone.

Boychild has sorted an electrickery account, he’s brought some insurances (including fire) and is looking forward to his day of assembling things in his new shag-pad.

The new place, I’ve haven’t seen it yet, apparently is quite elevated and has a view over Auckland, but it is old school, and MrsPdubyah says it’s a bit musty.

She bit her tongue though since she’s lived in some well average places.

Hopefully boychild will rein in his enthusiasm and accept the gifts that MrsPdubyah will bring, including a fridge.

I think they’re still short a Table and Chairs, and a washing machine. It’s not the end of the world, the laundromat can be a great meeting place, and they probably have free wi-fi these days.

Jul 7 2012

Growing up – the one with the leaving home.


#1 Son is about to leave the parental home and set up a love nest with this girlfriend. It’s been a while coming.

As a father I’m pleased that he’s at last making his way in the world and leaving home to set out anew is a big step for anyone to take.

So they’ve found a place to live, and it sounds very 70′s. They have a few things between them, or rather the girlfriend has a few things, since she’s been living away from her parents for a few years. #1 son brings nothing to the table, not even a table.

We’re going to help with the bond for the flat, but MrsPdubyah is reluctant to do more than that. Which is strange possibly because deep down she does not want him to leave the house. You’d think she’d be all for setting him up and letting him go. Proves you can be married for many many years and really not get your partner.

Anyway west down to talk about what they might need to get them into a normal life. The list went like this;

  • Broadband
  • Fridge
  • Washing Machine
  • Table and Chairs
  • Crockery
  • Knives and forks
  • Chest of draws for clothes
  • Electricity Account

in that order. Really yes.

Last night #1 son had an intense hour on the interwebtubes looking at the price of broadband plans.

I’m sure he’ll be right, his girlfriend will sort out his lack of ability to pick up dirty clothes and to his inability to find the kitchen sink to wash plates up. It’s a big challenge.

One thing MrsPdubyah did say to #1 Son was that because they didn’t have a washing machine that he’d be fine to drop off his dirty laundry to home and she’d be happy to wash it and drop it back to him. WTF seriously!

Jun 5 2012
Aside

After the last effort, where 40 in a 50, and 50 in a 60 zone don’t cut it for the examiner, Ms17 had another crack at it today, in the showery rain, and passed.

This is going to bring whole new new freedoms, such as staying out after 10pm, and being able to “lift” people to and from.

And it’s just awesome.

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Ms17 and the driving licence

May 14 2012

Growing up – the one with the frustration.


I care about my children a lot, and whilst by no means the best parent I think that between me and MrsPubyah we did an okay job.

Currently #1 son is looking for a full time job. His motivation is increasing as his desire to leave home and move in with his girlfriend increases. But it’s not an easy ride, and he seems to lack a get-up-an-go that perhaps I’d like him to have. Now this isn’t to say that he isn’t truing I’m sure he is, it’s just that he’d rather slope off to his room and play online games in the evening than try a conversation.

#1 daughter is a totally new frustration. Having given away top grade hockey because “she didn’t like it” was given a chance to go do some top grade umpiring for the National U18 tournament. This means that she needs to put some top work in umpiring the top grade hockey that she gave away. Frustratingly she doesn’t get that she can’t keep passing up opportunity, they sometimes don’t knock again.

She also doesn’t get that you have to commit to people if that’s what they expect.

She also doesn’t get that she has certain things like a fully insured car and petrol based on her past activity level. Also a pretty expensive gym membership. And she wants to go to the ball, and needs a ball gown, and no doubt shoes, handbag, makeup  and all sorts.

She also has an idea that she wants an 18th birthday party.

There are some things that I can accept, that after a lot of hockey you need a rest, but to forgo being with high performing people at a time that you need motivation in your life isn’t a good idea. We support her not playing hockey, it’s the right thing to do, but I’m struggling with supporting her lifestyle choices at the moment, particularly as she’s prevaricating and making it difficult for her and others to organize around.

Just frustrating. It’s not my life to live, but if I had had the opportunity and exposure that she’s had to things then I’m pretty sure I would have enjoyed them. And I’d hate to look back on my life and wonder what would have been if I hadn’t given it all up.

May 11 2012
Aside

tragedy could have been averted by not driving at 40 in a 50 zone and 50 in a 60 zone.

Driving like you’re driving for Miss daisy isn’t going to get you a full license, so for Ms17 it’s back to a re-sit and a bit of a delay.

And of course this is another story that my daughter has that ended in tears.

Not a complete disaster but…