The less of me for April – A moth where I had to push on
Finished the month off with a niggling injury of hamstrings that took a while to settle down, and it was disappointing not to finish at 100km.
Fear and Doubt are two things that are personal to the ‘you’.
Today I find myself in a place where I have both, and there are rare periods of time when I have the fear or I have the doubt.
They’re not common periods, and seem to come and go as quickly as a moment.
I’m not sure I have them about a specific things, or whether I’m just generally in doubt, or in fear.
Not doubtful but in doubt. I doubt my security at my workplace, isn’t the same as being doubtful about my job security. For the former is a feeling I have, an uncertainty as a reaction to things, an it’s not based on any outward events, actions or news that would lead me otherwise to doubt things.
Doubt as a reaction to a change, and not being able to settle to a position on it. Doubt because you’re not actually sure about the journey you’re being asked to go on.
I sometimes have the doubt in my own ability, and if I have the fortitude to get me through the journey.
The Fear. Sometimes I have this with the doubt. Sometimes just on its own.
Fear of getting old, of not having done enough, of being poor. A fear that somehow you’ve left something undone. A fear your life is about to be tipped over off balance.
So where has my suddenly melancholy fear and doubt some from? And when will it go away, and when will I know it has? Why has a sudden introspection thrown me off my good game?
I know that I’m feeling this way, and have fallen into a funk which makes it somewhat worse, I think acknowledging it is a start to making it better. Im not about to go sit on a cliff top or by the waters edge and spend hours in contemplation, it’s not a depression I have, just a fear and doubt.
And I’m sure that this too will pass
March Update :
I tried again to get to 100kms, just falling short at the month end where I tailed away on the days I actually got out an did something. I changed to new shoes as well with a resulting really poor few days where I was struggling, but it came right.
Although the chart above is wrong!, count the gree lines you’ll see 16, I have no idea what one it thinks is missing.
Onwards and downwards.
I’ve got a confession. I’m lazy. It’s not a medical condition it’s just laziness.
I’ve got another confession. I’m greedy. I wish that was a medical condition then I’d be able to say I’m the weight I am because of a medical condition.
My final confession is that I decided to do something about it. It’s no use getting all uppity when looking in a mirror, or feeling bloated and uncomfortable in jeans, or being out of breath from tying shoe laces. Who knew you had to invest time in new ways to put sucks on when your stomach gets in the way?, and who knew you had to invest time in new ways to tie shoe laces.
At least I’m still wearing zip up pants and a belt and not trackies or the elasticated waistband things. And I’m not yet at the level of only being able to wear slip-ons, or typing laces once and then trying to get shoes on and off with the pretence that they’re slip-ons, or that they are lace up’s and of course I did the laces up.
So, I invested some money in a pedometer. a flash one from Nike, to go with my flash Nike shoes that I just brought. That’s all it is a pedometer. You put a sensor in your shoe and a wristband on and it guesses the rest. Oh the Shoes were c/- my employer who had a magnificent push-play allowance that lets me indulge my “the older I get the better I was” sports memories.
Having read the user material for the Nike+ SportsBand I have no idea how it guesses how far you’ve gone so I’m going to have to try an work it out somehow, it says it’s accurate around 90% the guy in the shop said 97%. For me give or take 10% should be ok. It’s probably give 10% you want to keep the customer satisfied.
So from 102Kg as I was this morning I’m going to give it a crack to get to something more manageable by christmas. No stupid targets but I think that I should be ok for around 10Kg if I exercise and I eat goodly. I’m going to be happy with a Kilo a month to be honest.
And it’ll be eating better, the same but better. No weird faddish diets based on blood types or what cavemen ate, or just rice, just better at vegetables and fruit eating, essentially the LGI diet – “Less Goes In”
and 102Kg is a lot! and it is just greedy, and it sneaks up on you bit by pit, you eat you plateau and then you eat a bit more and you do nothing and then voila you’re as small as a shed! So I’ve confessed here on the interwebtubes that I’m going to be thinner and happier and healthier and committed. Besides I’ve spent money on it so I have to get something in return.
Oh and it is nearly my birthday, and as I get older I start to fret more that I’m not quite old enough to give up on life. If I have any energy I might update this, or if it’s going badly delete it 
.
Bread (Photo credit: ulterior epicure)
I was reminded today when reading an article about Folic acid in bread to ’reduces’ birth risks – Folic acid in bread ‘reduces’ birth risks – National – NZ Herald News.
I’m always been against Fluoridation of Water, for example, and in the last couple of years there has been a bit of a push to mandate the addition of folic acid additive into all bread for everyone all the time, so that a few can benefit.
I’m pro-vaccination. My children have all theirs, I have all mine, I even get a flu jab every year, even though the flu it’s likely to prevent won’t be the one I get, I’ve had Mumps, measles, chicken-pox and possibly a few others. We eradicated Polio by vaccination, vaccinations are good. They don’t give you downs syndrome, autism, kill you or maim you. If you’d like to argue that they do bring your best arguments to the table, you’ll go home hungry.
But I’m against mass medication as a principle. There was a time that arriving in New Zealand from Overseas the cabin-crew would walk though the aircraft with a couple of “flea-bomb” cans and spray the whole cabin from top to bottom, everything, everyone. They don’t do it now. (Probably sneak it in some who during the flight – who knows?)
from the repeated bit in the Herald today then
it also found wide variations in the amounts of folic acid in the bread samples – most commonly too little….
Professor Skeaff said yesterday voluntary fortification of bread had contributed to the women’s improved folate status, but just how much was unclear because of the concurrent increase in the number of breakfast cereals and other foods that had folic acid added to them.
“Folate status is improving through voluntary fortification, but there’s no doubt mandatory [fortification] will improve it more. It will likely reach a lot more women because instead of just being approximately 30 per cent of breads, it will be all breads.
So if it’s in cereals, why does it need to be all breads, and are they sure that every pregnant woman will eat 3 slices of uniformly medicated bread a day. Why no just give pregnant women packets of cereals and dietary advice. Why not do that? Why do I a middle aged man, who’s being hectored to eat whole grains all the time also need Folic acid? How is this compatible with a green and health lifestyle. Doesn’t whole grain bread have Folic acid in it? WTF!
Being a bit more specific though;
That would be 0.015 % of the population being pregnant then, that the 99.985 of non-pregnant people have to have a involuntary additive in their diet. That’s why I don’t like it, and that’s why I’m against it. This isn’t a pack health issue, this is about an interest group forcing something on everyone.
Oh I’m not about to start a Facebook page, or write a letter to the TV Guide or petition against the addition, it’s just that in this instance the emotive nature of the argument makes we uneasy. I’m not dismissive of the number of children that have a birth defect, that’s not my point, I’m not dismissive of the fact that in some cases folic acid may have been beneficial, some being the word of note.
It’s not like I ever thought I would have some understated life, a bohemian devil may care existence. But it gets to a point when all around you it’s gone a bit squiffy,
At the moment:
It apparently it not enough having to had to go to three funerals in the last year, but right now, this week it just seems to be stacking up, like some weird cosmic bottle-neck. I get that as you get older that life catches up, but heck it’s not like I’m zimmer frame old, so just stop alright.
Bizarrely then with a frozen shoulder I’m possibly the fittest person I know. And that’s a scary thought in and of itself. (and it’s clearly not true). But somehow the circle of life appears to be on the homeward journey and I might have mentioned it before that I’m just a bit not ready.
So tonight a beer or two, and some quiet reflection is in order. As for this feeling of hopelessness and puzzlement, I’m hoping that this too shall pass.
This today: Dwelling on the past may not only stop you from enjoying each day to the full – it could also be bad for your health.
Surprising that since it’s a study that has a massive representative group of 100;
“50 men and women were asked about their feelings about the past and future, as well as their physical and mental health and quality of life. The questions included how often they think about things they should have done differently, whether they worry about not getting things done on time and whether they live life a day at a time”
From this worryingly small sample you can glean all sorts of things
“Research suggests that people who look back at their past experiences full of regrets about missed opportunities or with bitterness about how they have been treated are more likely to fall ill and generally have a poorer quality of life.”
My question of course is who doesn’t live their life with regrets and flashbacks to instances where they could have done things differently, or decisions made and regretted. Of Life and career choices that really did change their course of life and outcome?
“The people who are best off are the sensible sorts who have a nostalgic view of the past and manage to learn from it, rather than let it drag them down. This means they plan for the future but do not neglect the present. Many previous studies have linked a person’s outlook on life to their health. One of the most recent found hypochondriacs really may be destined for an early grave. “
And this startling thought “Those who complain about their health are up to three times more likely to die in the next 30 years than those who regard themselves as more robust, it suggested.”
Which is a bit of a nonsense when you really think about it. What are the statistical odds of you dying in the next 30 years?
via Looking back in anger can make you sick: study – Life & Style – NZ Herald News. and you guessed it lifted from the Daily Mail. Who knew you could cram so much nonsense into so little space.
