Helping them grow up – the frustrating bit

Having two children, one a boy and one a girl. and with them having diametrically opposed dispositions is making for a fractious time.

The awkward  bit after teenage and before the leaving home  bit. That awkward bit when they’re just hanging around.

The boy. Lazy or stubborn is  word that we as parents use. Along with bright, capable, clever, and also with nice personality and  gentle. But Lazy or willfully stubborn.

He’s just as happy waiting for something to come to him, and it’s often “someone else’s fault”, “I waiting for someone”, or mostly “I’ll do it tomorrow”. I’m sure it’s not deliberate and that he is this way with everyone he has as friends.

As a gown man it makes me despair that MrsPdubyah has to leave a list of things that he has to do, and this list includes ‘pick up your wet towel from the floor” and “do not leave your wet towel on your bed”.

And you’ll know we brought him a new car (well two new to him cars one of which we never mention), and I’ve yet to have a thank you for that, even words, but it would be nice to get a 6 pack or a bottle of wine as a token. It’s expensive getting them their freedom.

Spending every waking moment in his bedroom isn’t helping either, oh he has  30 hours a week job, but this leaves him with two full days of mooching and waiting.

And we’re waiting on him moving out, well I am, and I’m hoping that this will be the waking up and facing up that the world is a bit scary and that you have to go to it rather than letting it come to you. It’s ok having a grand plan, and his appears to be load up with another 10K of student debt on the promise of a job. We’ve told him to work hard for 6 months and then if he really wants it to think about it again, or take the night class option and learn and work at the same time. Like that’s going to happen.

All of which sounds a bit nasty, although it isn’t meant to be. It’s just very frustrating that he’s uncommunicative, and outwardly selfish and greedy. I’m sure he’s as uncomfortable with it as I am.

The other one, the girlchild, well she was a fairly handy top grade field hockey player and has had a fair chunk of investment made in her sports achievements. Not this year, she’s given up, dead stop given up. Nothing more to be said. Heartbreaking on our part, but she’s throwing her weight about. I think that she’ll regret it.

But she is study mad, and will over analyze her study assignments and write endless lists of things that she wants to do when she leaves schools and gets to University. Which surprises me as I thought that she’d be heading overseas for a bit of OE. There is plenty of time for change of minds to happen though, we’ll see.

Common to both of them is the expectation of a hotel level lifestyle, always food in the fridge and if it’s in the fridge or cupboard then it’s fair game to be eaten. Even if it’s something unusual and different that we don’t usually have. That and the magical laundry and picking up fairy that follows them around. Oh and the magical Internet fairy that ensures we don’t have too little interwebs and always have access 24/7. All those things.

Also common to both of them is this pain I have that they both have cushy lives. We have a comfortable house, in a comfortable place, and they both have comfortable rooms, plenty of food and don’t really want for much. This is in some measure a response to my own frugal upbringing and my own way of trying to make it better for them. What will be scary is that they’ll struggle to make it to the same level of comfort that we have as parents. So I’m note sure we are doing any favors.

In the unlikely event they read this I would suggest that they both start brining things to the table, by way of chores and by way of helping out, from knowing the lawns, washing cars, putting the washing on, vacuüm and tidy duties, and the dreaded cleaning the shower and bathroom things. Although MrsPdubyah seems to enjoy those it gives her something to complain to me about that the kids aren’t doing,

On the upside they don’t smoke, do drugs, or part till they vomit. They’re well spoken and well mannered and a pleasure to be around (so other parents tell me) but like most tweens they are lost in a new world where the jobs I started at don’t exist, you know the ones with the Banks, the Post Office, the Insurance companies, the Government Departments, those jobs that we now do with Laptops and call-centers.

It’s hard and not getting easier, I’m happy to let them go, and often wish they’d get the hint, treating them as children isn’t working out well, and MrdPdubyah is getting to that point slowly. Sadly the house will be empty without them, and that’ll me me and MrsPdubyah will have to entertain ourselves.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Enter your comment here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Email (required) (Address never made public)

Name (required)

Website

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

Notify me of new comments via email.

Notify me of new posts via email.

Δ

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.